No Title, No Answers

Every day since I saw her, I have been thinking of LaTisha.  She is as young a patient as I've ever seen, just twelve.  LaTisha came in with her mom and grandmother.  I had told them at the time the appointment was made that in our state, we are mandated reporters, meaning that we have to notify Child Protection Services in her county of her pregnancy, which we did.  I think the purpose of the law is to be sure that a pregnant twelve year old is not a victim of a sexual predator and that there is no evidence of parental neglect. 

In this case, LaTisha's boyfriend is the same age, they had been "playing house" when the pregnancy occurred. She wasn't even sure what had happened or how a woman becomes pregnant but neither had she been forced or tricked. Nor was there evidence of parental neglect.  She comes from a very close, very religious family.  It was rare that she was ever alone nor was she permitted to be in the company of boys.  But unintended pregnancies still occur even in the best of families.

Given her tender age, it took a long time for LaTisha to even figure out she might be pregnant.  The other women in the household noticed the changes in her body and ran a pregnancy test. Of course it was positive.  As far as they knew, no one in their family had ever had an abortion, but the more they thought about it, the more they realized that LaTisha was still a child, too young to even take care of herself.  Her mom and grandmother work full time to support the family and greatgrandma is not well enough to work or to care for an infant.  So one of them would have to quit working if the pregnancy were to continue.  Then a visit to a gynecologist led them to understand the risks of this little girl carrying a pregnancy to term.  The doctor labeled her high risk..

The more the family thought and prayed, the more they felt that God was leading them to abortion.  However, by the time they convinced greatgrandma that this was best for their beloved daughter, LaTisha was almost 23 weeks pregnant.  They were all in shock when the ultrasound revealed a pregnancy of that gestational age because they had been thinking that she was about 16 weeks.  Mom started to cry that she feared something terrible could happen if her daughter had a baby when her little body was not ready for it, but grandma said that she did not think her mom, greatgrandma, would ever agree to an abortion at nearly 6 months.  And no one in our part of the state performs abortions that far along.

If an abortion were to be performed, it would have to be out-of-state.  A call to a referral reminded us that with LaTisha's age, tiny body and gestational development, her procedure would have to be done over four days!  It would be three days of dialators, then the abortion on the fourth day.  Little LaTisha started to cry and said, "I just want to play basketball.  I don't want a baby."  Grandma was crying, saying, "I want my baby (meaning her granddaughter) to have another chance.  A baby should not have a baby!"

I spent all morning with them, exploring all options.  But they were all in shock, needed to talk to greatgrandma, the family matriarch, before they could decide anything.  I gave them all of the contact information and reminded them that they had only one week to complete this abortion, after which time LaTisha would have to continue the pregnancy. 

I called their house two days later to see how they all were doing, but got no answer.  I may never know what they decided to do.  The complexity of the situation was so clear, but answers were not.  I could see reasons for her to continue the pregnancy and reasons for her to seek an abortion.  But only after returning home and praying together would a decision be made.  The mom, grandma and greatgrandma all wanted to do the right thing for their little girl. They want her to be safe, they want her to have a chance to have her childhood, they want a sign from God which direction to take.  I have no idea what that might be.

Lu

Comments

[Equal Rights For Unborn Women]

LaTisha will have to live with a dead baby or a live one, either way, there's a baby involved. Sad situation.

[electric_bonzai]

""Not trying to compare evils" was the wrong way to describe what I was trying to say oops. If I may correct myself, I meant to say that I wasn't trying to implicate one as being worse than the other. They both suck balls."

I definitely agree with you on that one! I don't think anyone should ever be forced to either have an abortion or to give birth against their will. Either one has the possibility of being life destroying.

[Diatryma]

Clara, you are my new favorite commenter.

[Clara]

"Not trying to compare evils" was the wrong way to describe what I was trying to say oops. If I may correct myself, I meant to say that I wasn't trying to implicate one as being worse than the other. They both suck balls.

[Clara]

Nobody forced me to birth my child BJSurvivor. I chose to. It was an honour. And to clear things up, I was responding to the very specific comment posted by SoMG. For some stupid reason, I thought that was obvious.

I think forcing or coercing any female into giving birth OR having a termination is plain wrong. Devastatingly wrong. I was just trying to share that. I was not trying to compare evils. Also, not that it even matters, but I am a long time atheist, so I don't really know what the Pope remark was about. People are not always what you want/assume them to be, ok?

[Claspclasp]

@abad:

Of course. Because once kids hit puberty they all turn into sex-crazed maniacs with no common sense whatsoever. You can't let the kids play on their own, no matter how mature or sensible they seem to be. If a boy so much as looks at them, they'll instantly become pregnant. Right?

[abad]

It sounds like LaTisha's parents failed in her in being around her when she was around boys. Why is it parents expect their kids to "get along" with those of the opposite gender then becomed shocked when the girl becomes pregnant? Are parents stupid? Be very careful what you ask for. Next time don't allow the girl to play with boys at that age. Morons.

[electric_bonzai]

Clara, your response to this statement "If I'm gonna be able to veto my kid's abortion, I should sure as heck be able to veto her giving birth.",
with this "Forcing someone into an abortion they never wanted is and always will be wrong, no matter what side of the fence you stand on", and with your own personal experience is interesting and thought provoking.

However, I believe that it misses what I see as the main point of the previous post - since there are parents that CAN prevent their children from having abortions, WHY would it be worse for a parent to be able to prevent their child from giving birth? Why is it better to be forced to give birth?

Your personal story shows that being pressured into having an unwanted abortion is a very bad thing - but being forced to continue an unwanted pregnancy to term and give birth against your will is just as bad.

[Learntoreadplease]

BJSurvivor, Clara was replying to SoMG's comment that if parents have the ability to veto abortions, they should also be able to force abortions, not the article.

Please read comments fully before you reply to them (especially such an angry, snarky reply), because not doing so just makes you look very stupid.

[BJSurvivor]

Clara, what part of the little crying and stating "I just want to play basketball. I don't want a baby." did you not understand? Oh, that's right...You're a forced-birther. You don't understand anything that exists beyond the end of your nose...Or the pope's ass. Grow a brain, lady.

[Clara]

"If I'm gonna be able to veto my kid's abortion, I should sure as heck be able to veto her giving birth."

My mother and father tried very hard to force me into an abortion at age 20 and it destroyed my relationship with both parents. I can't begin to imagine how much worse it would be for a child to experience that kind of betrayal. Forcing someone into an abortion they never wanted is and always will be wrong, no matter what side of the fence you stand on.

[Abortion Blogger]

What a devestating and difficult situation. My heart goes out to her and her family.

[Julie Shockley]

Lu, do you think we can look at these situations without saying things like "But unintended pregnancies still occur even in the best of families?" Why is there so much shame imposed on the young girl who makes a mistake? Her burdens are heavy enough without that - according to our polarized society, she's damned if she does, and damned if she doesn't. Can we be more forgiving, so the choice that she and her family makes can be based on something besides what other people may think?

[lisa taylor]

Wanted to let you all know that a new play has been created that shares the many stories like this one that are out there about women and abortion...It's called One in 3 and will have its world premiere on Jan. 22 in Dallas. TX. See www.onein3.org for more info.

[Aphrodine]

That is surreal. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be in her shoes.

[SoMG]

You think this situation is tough--imagine if she had said she wanted to grow the baby.

Parental consent laws should work both ways. If I'm gonna be able to veto my kid's abortion, I should sure as heck be able to veto her giving birth.

[Morgaine]

Oh that poor family. I can't even imagine. I hope that things work out okay for them.