After today, only more light.

It's nearly midnight, on the shortest, darkest day of the year. I'm thinking about one of my patients and hoping that she's doing well. The holidays always seem to amplify the stress in patients' lives, especially with this year's economy. I've talked to so many women this month who've recounted trying to pay out-of-control heating bills, learning that holiday bonuses aren't coming, spending long hours in Toys for Tots lines to get presents for their children. Wendy took all of this in stride and talked about caring for her family and practicing her faith with such clear devotion and joy. She had loaded prayers and meditations onto her headset and listened to them while she waited.

"I have three special needs children and my husband just got back from Afghanistan. When he got back, I had really hoped that things would go back to normal, but he really needs help, more help than I can give him. I can't have him around the children like this. They are a blessing, but they don't understand his behavior, his coming and going all the time and when he gets angry..."

"When I learned that I was pregnant, I didn't know why God was putting this on my plate. Wasn't there enough? I had always said that I was pro-life and I really seriously wanted to know what would make someone feel so desperate that they would not want to have a baby. Now, I'm in that place and I know. I get it. I can't believe how judgmental I was. I really couldn't wrap my head around why someone would feel that it was okay to have an abortion until I had to go through it myself and realized that it's not just about promoting one unborn life. As a woman, I have to be responsible for all these lives--my children, my husband, my own. I thought, at first, because I wanted to have an abortion, that maybe I wasn't the woman I thought I was. But I am. I am a good person who is compassionate and this has made me more compassionate."

"I first made my appointment a few weeks ago, but I wasn't ready yet. I had to grieve--my life is not what I thought it would be. I had to say goodbye to this baby and explain to it my reasons. What I've seen, since I've walked in the door here, I could have never imagined. I have seen total strangers holding each others hands, saying to one another that it's going to be okay. I'm in the presence of all these women, all of us in places we never thought that we would be, all supporting each other. That's a really amazing gift, you know? Your staff here, I see you as the boatmen, carrying all of us safely from this shore to the next. It's almost the New Year. 2009 is going to be a different year for me."

I wish all the women we see the clarity and resolution that Wendy was able to find. Happy holidays to all our readers. Peace and be well.

-Nell

Comments

[saltyC]

Wow.