Even though we do not typically respond within the comments section of this blog, Bon, Lu and I do read comments to see what readers have questions about and what kind of stories would be meaningful to our readers. I want to thank those of you who have written in with your own abortion stories. Nothing better illustrates the richness and complexity of a pregnancy decision than hearing from women who've been there. The women's positive abortion stories help us as counselors identify the qualities that help encourage resilience and healthy coping before and after an abortion.
We often share your stories with our own patients. Hearing that someone else has walked that path with strength and grace--and that they're not afraid to tell their story--our patients describe as the most precious gift they can receive from the women in their community. The abortion stories women provide that describe isolation, suffering or painful rumination--those teach us something too. We should be listening to these women to understand the qualities that contribute to their suffering so that no woman has to describe her pregnancy or abortion experience in this way.
So how can you help the women you love to have positive memories of their abortions? I would love to hear from readers about the factors that made a difference in their abortions being positive or negative memories. Some suggestions I've gotten from women include:
Listen closely and let me express all the feelings I'm having, even the ambivalent ones.
Don't tell me what to do, unless I ask you for that feedback.
Tell me your own abortion story.
Don't assume that be cause I am pro-choice, this experience will be clearcut or simple for me.
Don't assume that describing myself as "against abortion" means I don't want to have one.
Help me with practical things--childcare, a ride to the clinic, make my favorite dinner for when I get back home, clean the house, cover my shift at work on the day of my appointment.
When you make promises to help with this stuff--FOLLOW THROUGH!
Don't promise to "help me with the baby" unless you can identify
specific things you are willing to help with. If I choose this path,
once again, FOLLOW THROUGH!
Remind me what a good job I'm doing taking care of my family already.
Help me find accurate information about abortion care.
If I ask you to respect my privacy and not tell other people about my pregnancy, please do so.
Love me no matter what.
What are the factors that made your own abortions positive experiences? Were there things that impacted your experience negatively? What else would you add to this list?
Nell
I have had an abortion. I do not regret my decision, I do regret the circumstances that caused me to make that decision. I became pregnant as the result of a severe beating and rape (broken ribs, jaw, lacerations of my vagina and anus)by the very one who had taken an oath to love and protect me.
I was living in another country alone and not speaking very much of the language. I had two small(living breathing) children who were dependent on me. When I realized I was pregnant I made the decision that before I would alow the thing that had been ramed into me completely against my will I would kill myself and becuase I could not leave my two actual babies in the control of the monster that had beat and raped me I would take them with me.
Fortunately my land lady sensed I was in trouble. When she found out what was wrong she offered to help me. She gave me ergot. Unfortunately with the language difference I misunderstood and took all these tiny little pills at one time. For three days I thought I would die alone in the apartment with my two little Kids left behind.
once I got past the first few days I was able to get up and to make the plans needed to get back to the States. I was able to get my kids out and from there to get work to support them.
As I said I do not regret the decision that enabled me to live and to protect my two children. I regret I was raped and that a pregnancy was forced on me. I regret that becuase where I was, abortion was highly illegal so that when I had complications I could not go to a hospital but had to lay there hopeing not to bleed out. I regret that I may have died and left my two children under the care of a monster.
Forever I will be so gratefull to the lady that saw my need and risked arrest and prison to help me. I have eight grandchildren who would not be here if not for her to say nothing of my youngest daughter born two years latter.
Posted by: bonnie moss-rhodes | Monday, March 22, 2010 at 11:26 AM
Kelly I hope you have someone to act as a support system. No one knows anyones situation except the one living it. Please find someone you can talk to about your loss (and it is a loss). Abortion is a hard very personal decision. Those who choose to abort in my experience do not do so with out much agonizing thought. I hope all goes well.
You are not alone. Many of us (myself included) have made the same desision. I can tell you that you do get past this. That it can be the motivating factor that changes your life for the better. Most of all I can tell you to find a non judgemental person to talk about your experience and choice. Let yourself grieve your loss and look to how you can move on.
Posted by: bonnie moss-rhodes | Monday, March 22, 2010 at 11:00 AM
Hi, I use to think that abortions were wrong unless there was a medical reason. But here I am at 26 pregenant. This afternoon I will be talking Mifepristone, which begins an abortion. I was on the pill, this was an accident. The facts are me and my boyfriend have no way of supporting a baby at this time. My boyfriend is in huge debt, and cant even support himself, and over the last though years I had suffered from depression etc and only now started to short myself out. Having a baby right now would only bring unhappiness to me, my boyfriend and to a child which we cant support.
Ive learnt something from this, dont judge peoples dessions until you been in the same situation. Its easy to judge. But deciding to lose your baby is the hardest choice I have every had to make. But I know I cant support it.
If i know I cant support a child, doesnt having it make it wrong?
Posted by: kelly webb | Monday, March 22, 2010 at 04:45 AM
I've never had an abortion, but support legal abortion.
For more positive stories, go to www.imnotsorry.net
Posted by: SPAYPET | Friday, January 22, 2010 at 08:23 PM
Wow Ana, judgemental much? Unless you have ever been in the situation of choosing an abortion, you have NO CLUE and NO RIGHT to judge those who have. You cannot expect every person to experience things exactly like you, and you cannot expect others to have the same experiences and values as you do.
Choosing abortion is not an easy thing to do, but sometimes it is the best choice for all those involved, including the aborted fetus. Please get a clue and some empathy before trying to impress your very closed minded views on people. I don't expect you to be pro-choice, but I do expect people to respect other people's right to differing views...unlike you who seem to think that everyone should feel exactly like you (about a subject you have NO FRICKING CLUE ABOUT).
Posted by: Morgaine | Monday, February 23, 2009 at 11:59 AM
Honestly i can not believe you would even post something like this!
positive mamories of abortion? who the hell are you kidding?
its not ment to be positive!
it should only be used as a life saving emergency in which case the mother's life is in danger!
if you dont want to be pregnany then dont have sex!
and if you cant afford it than DONT HAVE SEX!
Posted by: Ana | Monday, February 23, 2009 at 11:24 AM
I came across to this website because I was browsing information about abortion and Pres Obama's policy on health care. I am nursing student who is planning to make a presentation and I am looking for health care professionals in caring patient going through abortion or someone I can have a 5-10 min. interview about their experience in having abortion or their thoughts about Pres. Obama's policy. I am a 20 minute movie about the election, abortion, health care policy and the voices of women. Can anyone help me? I live in Aurora IL.
Posted by: Karen | Sunday, February 22, 2009 at 07:41 PM
I think anyone who has an abortion is a murderer, would you kill a new born baby???
So why kill a baby when its most venerable.
People should try a little harder to not get pregnant and not use Abortion as a form of contreception.
I'm not a religious person i'm just a person with a heart, innocent babies not asking to be born are being killed because its not convieniant for the mother.
Anyone who has an abortion is sick wrong and evil.
Posted by: Lianne Moore | Saturday, February 14, 2009 at 01:38 PM
I want to thank you for what you are doing here. It's wonderful. Thank you again.
Posted by: Choice. Care. Confidentiality. | Wednesday, February 04, 2009 at 01:45 AM
I'm currently blogging my second trimester abortion http://1outof3.blogspot.com/
Posted by: feminist professor | Tuesday, January 27, 2009 at 12:51 PM
I'm currently blogging my second trimester elective abortion
Posted by: feminist professor | Tuesday, January 27, 2009 at 12:50 PM
I believe that with out communication amongst the partners then there is no real relationship. They are just acquaintances.
Posted by: Kara | Sunday, January 18, 2009 at 02:35 PM
Annabell there are plenty of homeless children. Those of us who have chosen not to carry a pregnancy to term are not in the way of you adding a child to your life. Adoption is a wonderful thing!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBg_mkaVKKI
Posted by: Abortion Blogger | Tuesday, December 09, 2008 at 08:50 AM
This is my blog about my abortion. Please visit, and share with other women.
http://prochoiceabortionblog.blogspot.com/
Posted by: Abortion Blogger | Tuesday, December 09, 2008 at 08:47 AM
Plus Annabell, I don't believe that God, if such a thing exists, would be nearly as judgmental as religious people would have anyone believe. I also would like you to keep your God, bible and religion out of my body. Do not force on me your views, as I don't force on you my views. You are welcome to your God, but I am welcome to not believe He exists.
One more thing, abortion is legal in the United States, and will hopefully continue to be legal for a very long time. If the only argument you have against abortion is your religious views, well there is supposed to be a separation of church and state in this country, and as such religion has no valid reason for even being brought up in this case.
People like you make me so so so so mad.
Posted by: Morgaine | Saturday, December 06, 2008 at 08:34 PM
Annabell, I am curious as to how your infertility is my problem? Does the world owe you a child? Is that why you are so bitter and angry? The world isn't cooperating with your plans so you are taking your anger out on the people who have made very private personal decisions about their own lives, without regard to your own? I am right, right? Do you really think that your infertility is something that my not having had an abortion ten years ago, or even tomorrow would fix? Do you think that had I not had an abortion I would have placed the baby with you? I would never in a million years place a child, my own or not, with someone as judgmental as you. NO ONE owes you a child. I would have parented had I decided to continue with the pregnancy, but I didn't and I don't regret my decision. You obviously have very low self-esteem that you want to pawn off your own personal private problems on women you have never met (though chances are, someone close to you has had an abortion but will never tell you because you are so closed minded and judgmental).
Get over yourself and your needs and stop trying to make people's decisions for them.
Posted by: Morgaine | Saturday, December 06, 2008 at 08:31 PM
You people that are having abortions out here are pathetic. You people are cruel. There are people like me that want kids now but iam inferile and only 23yrs. You people that have abortions need to talk to god and have some religion!!!!! You people disgust me
Posted by: Annabell | Thursday, December 04, 2008 at 10:38 PM
Brooke, I know I am not an eighty year old woman yet, but it has been over ten years since my abortion...AND I DO NOT REGRET IT.
Having an abortion, at 17, was probably one of the best decisions I have ever made. In another 14 years I will still not regret it.
I also, will want my daughter to be able to make the decision for herself when/if she is ever in the position I was in, if she feels like she needs my input, great, if not, that is okay too, because it is her body.
Please do not speak for me about what I regret. I do not have regrets like what you say. I think adoption can be a wonderful thing, however, there are so many children in foster care right now who do not have loving, safe homes, making abortion illegal will hurt them, because more babies will enter the system for all the families who "want" them, and the older children who are all ready here, alive, and needing homes, will have less of a chance of getting adopted. Sad huh? But, of course, anti-choice people don't want me to mention that.
Posted by: Morgaine | Friday, November 21, 2008 at 05:10 AM
I am simply amazed that an adult person isn't capable of understanding the differences between facts and opinions. Every woman is different. Every woman's experience with abortion is different. Every woman's experience with adoption is different. Every woman's experience with parenting is different. Of course, this should all go without saying... however, after reading some of these posts I felt it needed to be said. We should respect all choices.
That being said, there most certainly are women who have regretted their choice to terminate their pregnancies, just as their are women who have regretted their choice to gestate and adopt out and women who have regretted their decision to gestate and raise their children - it is absurd to take away any of these options from all women because of the negative experiences of other women.
And kindly do not speak for the women who are perfectly happy with their decision to terminate their pregnancies; these women are perfectly capable of speaking for themselves. What you're doing is projecting your feelings onto others and it is not a healthy way to live your life.
Posted by: Mellankelly | Thursday, November 20, 2008 at 11:44 AM
In response to the other ladies post 2 before mine... Please don't speak for a group of people n witch you don't even have any experience with yourself. I am a birth mother of adoption. And i blog about it as well (so i don't believe your theory) Yes, it sucks sometimes..I miss her like water. But my goodness! I gave her life! Why would I ever feel guilty over that! Everyone of my friends Ive talked to that have had abortions, experience a life afterwards much worse than any post-adoption. Besides, my suffering is a good suffering for the right reasons (I believe)
If these comments posted here are not enough to convince you of the harm abortion causes women. Then you are far too brainwashed. I was raped at 25, suppressed it (Praise God for that) then hid it, because the fact that the availability of abortion was an option scares me to death! My frst thought was abortion...who's isn;t in an unpanned pregnancy. But give it a week or two and things change. I believe we have the biological need to protect our unborn child deep inside us. And when we don't we are forever scared by that. And I bet the few people who commented that their abortions was pleasant...have not lived more than ten years past the act of it yet. I guarantee 30 yrs later...you will feel the depression set in. I;d like to meet an 80 year old woman thatdoesn;t regret her decision for an abortion, and is in touch with her emotions (even somewhat)
Feminism is Susan B. Anthony, it's women taking joy in giving life, it's love and respect for the unborn children we get the privelage to bring into the world. I did the rape thing, I did the almost dying of complications thing, I did the placing my baby girl in another woman's arms thing, and now I'm doing the SO WHAT thing! It was an honor! my selfish first thoughts about this pregnancy, would have scared my for life.
If we lived in a world without men, can you honestly say their would be these abortions? We would all be fine without the social implications the modern feminist have created. I think the younger generation will step up and reclaim what it means to be a real woman. Abortion is not a choice. It shouldnt be a law. I would of choosen an abortion, and I am mad that society would of let me choose that for myself and for my baby! that's why I stand in front of them today, with my little photo album, because I want to help the girl like me...running to what is considered a"necessary" by society.
To the post right before mine...of course they comforted you. Their are getting your money from the abortion. Call me, I'll comfort you too. Any woman pregnant and scared, just wants and needs love. the adoption agency, sure they were overly nice to me too. But I saw through it. I did it for my daughter, not because of anything anyone said to me. I admit, knowing and listening to God, was the only way I got through it though. I knew it wasn't all about me anymore. It was about two people, the moment that heart started beating inside of me (no matter if I planned it to beat, or not) To claim that giving birth to a baby produced from a rape, is cruel and horrible for the woman...is a load of BS! It was the only thing, SHE was the only thing that could of healed me! She is a miracle. And all her unborn brothers and sisters are miracles too. Im starting to think men might of done a better job with the authority over life, because we are misusing are privelage in the worst way possible with abortion.
To say that the issue is not about abortion, but choice, is to say that what’s being chosen is irrelevant. That is clearly illogical because all choices are not equal. Choosing whether to buy a new car is very different than choosing whether to produce child pornography, and the morality of those choices is not affected by the eventual decision. You claim that abortion becomes acceptable simply by the act of choosing to do it! That is not the Freedom of choice, I think, our Founding Fathers were referring too!
So my experience with abortion has been one of utter contempt for it. This debate will be old news, by the time daughter is grown, and life will be respected then I'm sure of it.
Posted by: Brooke | Wednesday, November 19, 2008 at 07:56 PM
I know that I've already shared this story with the people on this blog but felt that I must reiterate because of the blatant inaccuracies that I've read here. I thank God that I was born into a time and a place where abortion was a safe and legal option for me. It was the best and most moral decision for myself and my family (including the son I had at the time and my two beautiful daughters born since.) And I would most certainly do it again under those same circumstances. I hope and pray that our country will continue to support women as intelligent and morally sound people and allow us to make our own personal reproductive decisions. God bless the people who risk their very lives in order to provide this much needed service to women.
Posted by: Mellankelly | Thursday, October 09, 2008 at 05:43 PM
Listen/Watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDq3VbanGaM&feature=related
I hope and prayer for all of you and your country.
Posted by: Truth | Wednesday, October 08, 2008 at 07:39 AM
The bottom line is that Abortion hurts women. If you are an advocate for women, then you have to stand up and help women. Abortion will not help the woman, the child within their womb or society in general because it promotes the killing of innocent human beings. I am glad to hear women who admit to themselves and others that they would not have another abortion because of the horror it has created in their lives. Admitting the wrong is the first step to healing. I pray for the other women reading this (who have had abortions) to stop looking for justifications for your decision to kill and start admitting that what you did was wrong on many different levels. You will be forgiven, but you have to humbly and with a contrite heart ASK FOR FORGIVENESS and amend your ways going forward. Instead of helping others commit the same sin - dedicate your time to helping those women in need of our support to raise their child(ren). Your child is looking down from Heaven hoping and praying for you to make the right decision - ADMIT YOUR WRONGDOING, SAY YOU'RE SORRY TO THAT LITTLE ONE, and SHED LIGHT ON THIS DARK PROCEDURE!
Posted by: Truth | Wednesday, October 08, 2008 at 06:58 AM
Sara, I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but it is very UNLIKELY that your abortion history has anything to do with your current difficulties conceiving.
The fact that you have both is more than 99% likely to be just a coincidence.
Posted by: SoMG | Friday, October 03, 2008 at 08:20 PM
i had an abortion 11years ago. i was 18 years old. i thought i would be able to forget about it all once it was done. here i am, 11 years later, and i still cry about it. i am not able to have children now. it was the very worst thing i have ever done. i wish there had been someone to talk to at the clinic, who would've asked me if i was sure this is what i wanted. the answer then was no. i wanted to keep my baby. my boyfriend didn't want it. we have been broken up for 6 years. he went on and had 2 kids. now, my fiancee and i have been trying to conceive, and aren't able to.
Posted by: sara | Friday, October 03, 2008 at 12:36 PM