Last week, Annie appeared at our door without an appointment, begging the guard to let her in. After much discussion with the guard, and a counselor coming to the door to learn more, Annie was admitted for a counseling session and sonogram. Annie told us she was 18 weeks pregnant, needed to have an abortion immediately, but had only a few dollars. At 18 weeks, the cost for an abortion is more than $1000, is a 3 day process, and our state law requires a mandatory 24 hour delay.
I sat down with Annie to hear more of her story. She told me that she did not want to be pregnant, that her boyfriend had thrown her out, she had nowhere to live and did not earn enough to even pay her rent and utilities. So we set her up to have a sonogram to determine exactly how far into her pregnancy Annie really was. The sono revealed that she was exactly as she said, 18 weeks, meaning that we had only one week to complete the process according to the protocols of our particular facility. Annie told me that she wanted an abortion more than anything in her life, that she was the only person in her whole family who was not addicted to drugs and she wanted to make something of her life. She said she was determined that she would not be like them. She stated that no one in her family had ever had a job, no one had ever even gotten a driver's license and she wanted a different life. She had plans and had been dreaming of a different life for the past 8 years. In fact, as she entered the clinic she immediately asked, "Do you have that five year birth control?" I assured her that we did indeed have Mirena, that she could have it at her check up appointment and we'd take care of the necessary paperwork in the meantime. "And", she asked, "is is possible to get a second one put in after the first five years, because I figure it will take me 10 years to get a degree, get my life on track and have a good enough job to have a baby." Again, I assured her that she could get another Mirena inserted after the first one plus there is a 10 year IUD that we could talk about.
While Annie and I were talking, getting her medical history, and getting her consent forms signed, two other staff persons were working to find funding for her abortion since she did not even have enough money to feed herself, let alone pay for the abortion, not so uncommon these days. By the time she left the clinic, just about everything was in place for her to return the following day for the first steps of her abortion. Before I left for home, I thanked everyone who had worked so hard to get all that Annie needed with so little lead time.
When I arrived the next morning, the first thing I asked was, "Where's Annie?" "Oh," another counselor reported, "Annie called and canceled. She said that when she called her mom to tell her that she was having an abortion, her mom told her she'd never speak to her again if she had the abortion." I was shocked. Annie had seemed so sure, so convinced that she wanted her life to take a different path than her family.
Concerned, I called her later in the day. "Annie", I said, "how are you?" "Oh, Miss Lu", she said, "when my mom told me she'd try to get off crack if I had the baby and that she would never speak to me again if I had an abortion, I just had to change my mind. Maybe this baby will help my mom to get clean. I hope you're not mad at me." I assured her that we understood, that she was choosing what she thought was best for her. I wished her health, happiness and success. And I meant it.
Lu
I just stumbled on this blog via a blogroll on a favorite site. Wow. Thank you for your service, courage and grace. I have appreciated reading all the personal stories. The stories need to be told, for so many reasons.
I wish you much peace.
Posted by: Nancy | Sunday, June 01, 2008 at 08:00 PM
Annie will not end up homeless if someone (someone at the abortion clinic, maybe?) directed her to social services where she could get signed up for the government programs our tax dollars fund. She can do it without her mom, and would probably fare a lot better. There's subsidized housing, Medicaid, Welfare, Food Stamps, and help with education and childcare available to her, and she can use these as tools to climb out of poverty if she has the desire. She just needs to get hooked up with a good social worker.
Of concern is Annie's boyfriend and whether or not she will continue to give herself to men who abuse, like said boyfriend. She may even go back to him, since a lot of troubled women seem to do this. Her family is another problem...I'm not so sure it would be beneficial to her to see them right now. It would be nice if she could break ties with them until they really do get straightened out, if and/or when that ever happens.
What's strange to me is they talked about birth control methods with her, as if an unplanned pregnancy is the worst or only thing you get from having indiscriminate sex. Not STDs, like AIDS. They talked about having birth control for the next ten years, but didn't seem to address her lifestyle issues or tell her that birth control doesn't prevent STDs. Sometimes it doesn't even prevent pregnancy.
I realize a pp said their sister had an abortion this late and is now a nurse with no regrets, and that may be. However, who is to say she wouldn't have become a nurse if she had her baby? Just like those who think Annie's life is over because she decided to have her baby - it isn't. The story has been played out over and over. Many wonderful people were unplannned.
Having a baby isn't like having a disability or even a disadvantage. It is inconvenient at times - like anything. It's also a big responsibility, being caretaker of someone else besides yourself. It takes a lot of dedication and selflessness, which not everyone has, I suppose. There's also the option of giving the baby up for adoption, if the mother doesn't feel ready to raise a child.
Lastly, the fetus is quite developed at 18 weeks (about 4.5 months?). No one talked about this. I'm sure Annie could feel the baby moving - the fetus is five to six inches long at this point. Developed arms, legs, organs, and sucking reflex. The weeks 18-23 are important for neuro development - the fetus can hear your heartbeat. Just a matter of growth and time.
Posted by: Mia | Saturday, May 31, 2008 at 12:17 PM
Hello,
I enjoy reading your blog, and I was hoping you might be able to help with a project I'm working on. Though I understand that your blog is for sharing stories from your clinic and that it may not be appropriate to share our message directly on the blog, I'm looking for pro-choice folks on the web who can either help pass a message around about a project our clinic is doing to increase financial access to abortion in Iowa, or share ideas for other people/websites that might like to help. If you have any ideas, I'd be grateful to hear from you. You can find out more about the project at this link:
http://www.emmagoldman.com/news/medicaid.htm
Thanks for your time!
Posted by: Judith | Wednesday, May 28, 2008 at 11:42 AM
teen mom: I am glad that it has worked out for you. I hope Annie's situation turns out as well as yours!
MJ: My sister had an abortion at 17 weeks. That was 8 years ago. I assure you, she has gone on with her life and is not/was never eaten up by guilt over the procedure. She is a successful ICU nurse, has been happily married for the last year and a half, and will be starting grad school in the fall.
Posted by: BJ Survivor | Saturday, May 17, 2008 at 12:09 PM
Hello,
Your blog has come to the attention of curators at the Schlesinger Library on the History of Women in America (http://www.radcliffe.edu/schles/). The Schlesinger Library is a special library at the Radcliffe Institute for Advanced Study and also one of several libraries that comprise the Harvard University Libraries. Capturing the social history of women is among our highest priorities. Our collections document women's lives for use by researchers, students, and scholars. I would like to have a chance to speak to you about participating in our pilot project to harvest and archive contemporary blogs for future research. I can provide additional information about the project and answer any questions you may have, but I thought it best to keep this initial communication via the comment feature of your blog on the short side.
Please let me know if you would be interested in participating in our project, or if you have any questions. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Amy Benson
Librarian/Archivist for Digital Projects
Schlesinger Library
amy_benson at radcliffe.edu
617-495-5858
Posted by: Amy Benson | Friday, May 09, 2008 at 01:35 PM
what the f*uck is wrong u women leaving comments like that. i am 17 and have a 9 month old baby my story is almost exatly like annies. i come form a family like hers and what her mom said to her is what my mom said to me. my mom is now 11 months clean working and she loves my daughter. me and my daughter have enough money to live comfortably and our life is great. i cannot imagine if i would have had an abortion.
shame on you women. mabey leave your negitive comments to yourself. they are pretty immiture. who are u to decide how annies life will turn out. im am 17 and wayy more mature then u women.
Posted by: teen mom | Friday, May 09, 2008 at 01:46 AM
MJ-
Annie's mother has condemned her grandchild to a life of regret,pain,self hatred,shame, and poverty. She put her own wants and desires over her daughter's struggle to escape homelessness,unemployment and drug abuse.
Posted by: Julie | Saturday, April 26, 2008 at 07:55 PM
This is a very interesting post. I have some thoughts, but they're a bit too wordy to leave here. Please check out my blog post at www.lifeisromantic.blogspot.com/2008/04/sun-will-come-out-tomorrow-annie.html.
And if you happen to talk to Annie again, please forward it on to her, too. :-)
Thank you, and God bless.
Posted by: Natalie | Saturday, April 26, 2008 at 01:45 AM
These comments are shocking! Have any of you actually had an abortion? A late term abortion? Annie's mother saved her from a life of regret, pain, self hatred and shame.
Posted by: MJ | Thursday, April 24, 2008 at 03:53 AM
Some parents are jealous of their children and don't want them to overcome them.
Posted by: saltyC | Tuesday, April 22, 2008 at 08:37 AM
What a foul woman her mother must be. Breaks my heart, because Annie has just condemned herself & her baby to a lifetime of probable poverty, subsiting on welfare. Forever.
Posted by: Agatha | Tuesday, April 15, 2008 at 08:43 AM
Evidently she was not as sure as she thought she was,thus the last minute visit. From the description of her background and family life she is painfully aware of the empty promises of a drug addict. She was likely searching for any reason she could find to cancel. You were able to find funding for her to get an abortion but all you could do is wish her luck when she didn't follow through?
Posted by: John | Monday, April 14, 2008 at 06:45 PM
This is such a terrible story. The mother will 'try' to get off crack if Annie has a baby she can't support! How much will or even can the mother support Annie and her baby? Maybe Annie already had a lot of ambivalence, she she was 18 weeks pregnant when she came to the clinic. But it is hard to see how having a baby is going to help this young penniless, homeless girl with a completely dysfunctional family get out of her terrible situation--something she had dreamed of for the last 8 years!
I wish her health, happiness and success too. But I fear this is a decision that she will regret once the mother withdraws her affection and sticks with the drugs.
Posted by: blossomcat | Monday, April 14, 2008 at 07:29 AM
... and furthermore, what kind of mom would say "only if you have a kid that you've already decided you're not ready for, only THEN will I do what I should have done already." And how much you want to bet mom doesn't come through and leaves her daughter, once again, full of crack-addicted relatives, and now with a baby too. The more I think about it, the more horrendous Annie's mother becomes to me.
Posted by: Linda | Sunday, April 13, 2008 at 02:32 PM
I hope it works-- and I hope that she remembers to come back once the baby's born to get long-term birth control if she wants it.
Posted by: Diatryma | Sunday, April 13, 2008 at 11:01 AM
What kind of a mother would impose this kind of sick, killing emotional blackmail on her child?
Posted by: Linda | Saturday, April 12, 2008 at 10:28 PM