No woman ever imagines that she will someday need an abortion. Either because she is consistantly using birth control, or because she has a history of infertility, or because she has not gotten pregnant despite using no birth control in the past, or because her knowledge of how conception occurs is faulty, but one way or another, no one ever seems to think unintended pregnancy will happen to her. But, of course, it does happen. In fact, 50% of US pregnancies are unintended.
As a counselor, I talk to many women who have chosen abortion but are still shocked that they got pregnant. Even those using no birth control sometimes cannot believe that they are indeed pregnant. Diane was one of those women who first tried to deny to herself that she was pregnant, then hoped that her period would somehow come even though she had by then taken numerous pregnancy tests confirming the pregnancy. Eventually, she acknowledged that she was pregnant, and decided to have the baby and put it up for adoption. As time went on, though, she began to have doubts that she could actually go through with the adoption, and knew that she had no resources that would allow her to raise a child responsibly. Which brings us to the point where I spoke with her. Diane described how and why she had made the decision to have an abortion. She described herself as "sure of her choice" but still feeling sad and lost. "Sad" I understood but I wanted her to tell me what she meant by "lost". Diane said that she felt adrift, was finding it difficult to reconcile her past thoughts about abortion with what she had chosen. She said that she "never believed in abortion" yet here she was. Eventually, as she continued to explore exactly what she was feeling, she concluded that what was lost was her own innocence. Diane stated that life was simpler when it seemed black and white. She concluded that she was not so much sad about having an abortion, but rather sad because never again could she imagine herself living in childlike innocence that abortion is always wrong and having the baby always right.
Many of us who have never had to face unintended pregnancy can still relate to Diane's situation. For most of us, whether at age 18 or age 35, at some point each of us will find ourselves having to accept that life is not as simple as we would wish, that difficult choices do have to be made, but also that we can allow the sadness, accept that life is not always as we'd wish, but then move on to healing.
Lu
ps While we are sympathetic to those of you having problems with our spam blocker, we cannot seem to set it to keep out the porn spam and yet allow all of you to comment. Sorry
"move on to healing" it's not that easy.
Posted by: MJ | Thursday, April 24, 2008 at 03:28 AM