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Sunday, October 30, 2005



I would have to agree that Abortions dont always lead to depression. I only agree because i have had an abortion and did not go through depression. I had it am now doing well. It all depends on the person and how they mentally think.


But Zygote,

Because something is legal doesn't make it right. Slavery was once legal. Wife-beating was once legal. Robbery, if it became legal, would still be wrong. I would even say that slavery and wife-beating are more wrong than robbery and yet they were at one time legal. And I would say abortion is more wrong than all of the above because it kills an innocent person. Abortion used to be illegal. Was it wrong then and became right when the Supreme Court struck down laws against it? So when it comes to morality, the law is not a good yardstick by which to judge. Fundamentally, the law means nothing.

The question is not whether or not it was legal, but whether it was morally right to have killed your daughter.


I think that 'dwelling' hits the nail on the head. I don't dwell on my abortion. There was sadness and the wonder of what would have been. But with that comes the overwhelming big picture of responsibility for the rest of my life. I already had two kids that I'd raised as a divorced parent. I refused to take the risk that it could happen again.
There was no depression and minimal regret. There are times that I think of certain dates and wonder. I made the decision, I got over it.
Anyone that regrets or is depressed from their abortion didn't REALLY think things through before they had sex.
I told my then boyfriend (husband now) that I would abort if I got pregnant. We were careful. but shit happens. Ultimately, I had planned for the unplanned.


To speak to a couple of your points, but I am not going to touch on the moral issue, because it has very little to do with the issue at hand. I am not asking you to respect my decision I am asking that you respect the fact that I have more authority to speak to my life experience than you. I swear I am not making any of this up. You can still choose not to believe me, but please refrain from telling me how I feel. I am sorry you were robbed, but there is a fundamental difference. Robbery is illegal.

I do want to clarify a couple of my "symptoms" you keep referencing. The sexual issues I would have had regardless. And believe me this is not an issue any longer. I was afraid of sex because I was afraid of becoming pregnant again. If I had carried to term I would have still had that fear and probably more so. I also would be sleep deprived, possible postpartum depression and scared. Emotionally speaking, I am in a more stable place now. As for my mourning, it is perfectly healthy to wonder what could have been. Zube hit the nail on the head, dwelling is the issue. As I said before, I never claimed to be over it. I claim that I don’t regret it and I am not depressed.

Zube Girl


Ah, well even still it is a little tough to answer. I don't presume to know exactly who my moral authority is. I guess you could say I'm agnostic. I'm pretty sure there is something spiritual going on, but I won't have the knowledge of what that something is until I die and meet it. So, for me, it's an 'it'. For the sake of prayer and meditation, I sometimes give 'it' form, such as a Goddess because I feel like 'talking' to another woman, or God because God feels familiar to me simply from having grown up Catholic. Most times 'it' is more of a non-descript, non-gendered energy. Once in a while I bypass it altogether, and pray to relatives who've passed on for guidance.

Whatever 'it' may be, 'it' has never failed in helping me to find answers within myself after prolonged periods of quiet thought.

It's possible, too, that my husband, who is an atheist, is right and what I'm finding are the answers to situations that I can live with and will be most likely to have a favorable outcome for my psyche. I don't happen to agree with him because I think there's more to it, but who can know for sure?

Anyway, spirituality is a very personal thing and not all of us belong to a particular religion with a name. I don't push mine on other folks, and appreciate when they don't push theirs on me.

And for the record, I don't think it's necessarily unhealthy to mourn what might have been. I've had friends who had children they'd considered aborting, and they still mourned where they would be in life if they hadn't had their children. They just don't dwell on it. It's the dwelling that's unhealthy. Not simply the mourning.


Thanks, Zube Girl

No need for a dissertation, though. I just want to know WHO is your moral authority. Or would that take a dissertation. :)


Anonymous "me" says I obviously have nothing....

I'm not trying to have anything. But a woman that blogs about being sad on the due date of her aborted child, who has sexual problems after an abortion is obviously not "over it." That's how in the world that I know. I also have a master's degree in counseling, so I know the traits of dysfunction.

That's all I was saying. And "me" said nothing substantive and won't even give a name, so I don't accept being called pathetic by someone that won't even use their first name on an anonymous board.

You obviously have nothing of substance to say. And even if you were simply trying to be insulting, you failed. Want to try to say something other than, "HAHAHAHAHAHA"? Something that has meaning, maybe?


Follow the money, folks. It's all interrelated and obvious. Don't let the abortion industry, who profits mightily on your misfortune, tell you that feeling sorrow for your aborted baby is abnormal. Miscarriages can cause depression. Surgery can cause depression. And somehow abortion doesn't? Follow the money. Children are dying and people are getting paid.


I'm sort of mystified that some commenters take the position that women who report that they are/were not depressed about their abortion are not telling the truth.

I can understand that some commenters think abortion is wrong, is murder, "children die from it," etc. I can't understand, however, why they think women would LIE about their experience of abortion.

I don't know -- I mean, I'm not psychic, so I really CAN'T know for sure -- but commenters who say they didn't experience abortion-related depression are probably telling the truth. If someone says, "I felt fine about my abortion," and you have no information that warrants the conclusion that she's lying, then why reject that statement?

The reality is, no matter how convinced you are that abortion is murder, there are many people in this world who really, honestlya, in their heart of hearts do not share your view on this topic. Because they do not share your view they may feel any number of things -- not just the things you think they ought to feel -- about having had abortions.


Jaqueline: "You haven't gotten over it."


My God, that's pathetic! How in the world would YOU know? Just give up.. you've obviously got nothing.

Zube Girl

Jacqueline- I didn't mean to ignore your question. :-)

"If abortion is okay, why would you need to work it out with a moral authority?"

I've been trying to figure out how to sum up my spirituality and keep it at comment length rather than a dissertation, but I just can't. If you are sincerely curious as to my spiritual beliefs regarding abortion, feel free to e-mail me. I'd be more than happy to discuss it with you because I believe it is important for folks on both sides of the abortion debate to have honest discourse.

Anyway, suffice it to say that I don't make any important decisions, such as terminating a pregnancy, without consulting my moral authority. I do, though, take into account that others may not agree with me. Meaning, they may believe that their moral authority is angered by abortion, or they may believe that there isn't a spiritual realm and that an abortion is simply the removal of cells. Everyone has their own thoughts and feelings on the issue, just like I do.

And Zygote, thank you. That was a part of the issue for me, especially having been raised Catholic and Pro-Life. I've since done a lot of soul searching/praying/meditating/whatever you'd like to call it, and come to a conclusion other than the one the religion I was born into subscribes to.


Well, I had my abortion in 1986, and I haven't had a single moment of regret. I went on to have two children and a happy marriage. My husband knows about the abortion.

I was told that I would be almost suicidal.
I was told that I would have long term effects.
I was told that the minute I "held a baby of my own in my arms" I would regret the one I aborted.
I was told that I would never have a happy marriage.
I was told that I would be haunted forever.

None of that has happened.



No, I have never had an abortion because I know it to be morally wrong. I've robbed anyone either, because I know it to be morally wrong also. Because I have never robbed anyone, that means that I am not qualified to oppose robbery? I've been robbed, and it sucks. It would have likewise sucked to have been aborted. I don't want to do that to anyone.

What is morally wrong cannot be defined based on my feelings. It is wrong or it's not, regardless of how I feel about it. I've done so many morally wrong things in my life but pretending that they're not morally wrong or feeling okay with them doesn't change the consequences. My robbers are probably feeling fine with robbing me, but I am still hurt because of it. My sense of safety as well as all my valuable goods are gone. Regardless of how they 'feel' about it, I still suffer from it.

Likewise, your daughter is still dead because of what you did, regardless of how you feel. So it's hard to respect your experience as if your choice had no consequence. It has consequences to you, too. You mourn a birthday that never was. That's sad and unneccessary.


I am just curious, but have you had an abortion? My comment was based on my situation. When I was pregnant it felt like EVERYONE was judging me. The people who wanted to keep it and the people who didn't. I felt societies pressure and it was hard to decipher what I believed. I don't really care much about the STATS and numbers. Those can be manipulated to either side, I am strictly talking about how I felt. I am not asking you to believe what I did was the right thing, but I am asking that you respect my experience.


I would like to know who financed this "study" and how much money they are taking in from the abortion industry. Studies have found that eating too much causes depression. But making a decision that kills your child, disrupts your reproductive system, and conflicts with many women's morals doesn't? Sorry. Not buying it.



I wouldn't say that society sees abortion as morally wrong when 4400 children die from it each day at the payment and request of their parents and taxpayer money.

You are saying it's not morally wrong?


I have never claimed to be over it. I am just claiming that I am ok with my decision and that it was the right one for me. Yes, I have issues, but most of those issues I’d have regardless. I am emotionally distressed by a lot of things in my life, but truly this is not one of them. I can mourn what could have been while still being happy with what is now.

My two cents on the moral judgment...This is just based on my experience so it could be way off and I am not talking about people who believe abortion is wrong, but for a women who is comfortable with the idea. We are so ingrained in this society that abortion is morally wrong, that a women needs to work it out for herself and realize it isn't. There is an inner conflict over what society tells you to do and what your heart knows is right and that's (and I am making assumptions... Zube Girl pleases correct me if I am wrong) what you have to work out, what you as an individual believes is moral vs. society.


Zube Girl,

If abortion is okay, why would you need to work it out with a moral authority?



My point is that so many claim to be 'fine with it' we they indeed are not.

People who are fine with it do not mourn their dead babies on her due date and do not have sexual problems as Zygote has.

You can't heal from something that's causing you emotional distress by claiming to be fine with it.

I'm not marginalizing anyone- I was merely pointing out that she is not 'fine with it' and it takes 7-10 years on average to realize that fact.

Zube Girl

I had my abortion ten years ago, and I still feel gratitude that I was able to legally and safely terminate my pregnancy. I've got everything worked out with my moral authority.


Actually, Jacqueline, I don't care how many studies or internet sites you link, I'm inclined to believe that Zygote has far more authority to speak of her experience than you do. I support any and all efforts to enable women to discuss their experience of abortion, but just because some regret their experience immediately afterwards or 7-10 years afterwards does not mean that those who do not regret their experience ought to be marginalized.



You haven't gotten over it. You had sexual problems and and other difficulties. Maybe not a big meltdown, but not a positive experience.

Normally it's 7-10 years before women realize the full level of their regret.


I waited for the remorse, the guilt or the mental breakdown, but it never came. I can't say that I felt relief, I just felt and feel like it was the right decision for me. I think each women will react in there own way so you can find subjects for either side to study, but I am glad there is press beyond the “you’ll regret it/you’ll never forgive yourself” rhetoric.


"Researchers at Bowling Green State University last year examined data on nearly 11,000 women between the ages of 15 and 34 who had experienced an unintended pregnancy"

Is this the study you are refering to? http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=pubmed&dopt=Abstract&list_uids=15488373&query_hl=4 If not, could you provide a reference to the correct one?


I know I, personally, experienced nothing but enormous relief. At the time (80s) I was truly stunned because I had been told by all books and magazines that I would be almost suicidal.

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