I read the most appalling blog today. A couple claiming they are "undecided" about whether or not to continue her pregnancy are requesting that voters decide for them. This couple says that they are both thirty years old, the woman is nearing twenty weeks and now it's time for voters to make the decision for them. This is mighty suspicious! Even their assertion that they've been married for ten years is suspect. Tech people do not get married at age 20 typically.
In all the many years I have been counseling women (and men) about abortion, I have never heard such a tale! By eighteen weeks, she has likely been feeling the baby within her for weeks, yet she gives no evidence that she has been affected by this at all. There is a certain glibness that not only disrepects all women, but even herself. Almost all women considering abortion come to a conclusion long before 5 months. The few exceptions tend to be a very young patient who did not know she was pregnant, or was afraid to tell a parent, or someone who could not get the money together quickly enough, or someone whose partner says he'll stick by her but then does not. However, this particular woman acts as though she doesn't even care, which is not what I have seen in my practice. Women whose pregnancies are more advanced tend to be more upset that they couldn't make it in sooner. They usually want to talk about the anguish they have felt in trying to make the best decision.
But the couple in the "let the voters decide" blog exhibit no emotions, not even for the miscarriages that the woman supposedly suffered. There is something missing in their presentation, demeaning all women by their glib attitude, not exhibiting any moral agency whatsoever, which is the giveaway in my opinion. Women are moral creatures, they do not take abortion lightly. If this were a typical situation, I or my colleagues would have seen it by now. But we have not. These folks are treating the possible birth or abortion as a joke, implying that it doesn't matter which one the voters choose (although they do whmaintain veto power). Have they even given any thought to how a child born only because of an internet vote might feel when he or she finds out?
Of course some might say that this couple ought not to be parents anyhow,which may be true. But I for one would not participate in any abortion this couple opted for if I knew that "voters" chose the outcome. Responsible abortion providers would send them packing! They might be sent to a psychologist or at least sent home with a decision making workbook, but no way would they have an abortion if they had not owned their choice, told how they came to decide, and why they thought abortion was the best decision in their case. Because my colleagues and I participate in every abortion, we do all we can to confirm that not only is it the woman's choice but that she has come to terms with it as well. We need to know that she accepts her choice, and then we can, also.
It has not escaped me that this may be a kind of dodge against the pain of loss she/they experienced with the miscarriages, but asking strangers to decide their fate and the fate of their child is not a good way to make a lifetime commitment, regardless. No way would I go along with their request. I'd send them home just as we do for all women who are not making their own decision.