Goodness

There must be something about New Year's that inspires me to write after such a long time! We started this blog on New Year's if I remember correctly.

A colleague of mine, Charlotte Taft, gave a workshop last  year called "Working From Goodness" through the Abortion Care Network. It really spoke to my positive take on life, so I was remembering this approach talking to a 41 year old mother of two teens this past week. She was very teary but had compelling reasons for seeking an abortion: she had some serious health problems that a pregnancy would complicate. Someone else would say, "I  have no choice..." but she did consider continuing the pregnancy for a long time. But no matter how she looked at it, an abortion seemed to be the right and best choice for her and her family.

I met up with her because she could not stop crying when she got to the procedure room and the nurse felt that she could use some help. (I like that all staff are clear that we don't want to do an abortion on someone who is out of control crying.)

As is often the case, Claire (not her real name) didn't exactly know what was so hard, or at least she couldn't articulate it. So, I asked a few questions and it seemed as though she just felt bad, guilty, and in disbelief that she would ever be in a situation like this, and specifically choosing an abortion. I said, as I often do, "I see a good person, in a bad situation, doing the best she can." She agreed but she was not to be comforted by a simple platitude, as true as it was.
 And she WAS a good woman-- she could have been your Sunday School teacher, or the PTA mom that stayed on long after he kids graduated. And I am sure she never did imagine walking into an abortion clinic. The more we talked about her life though, the more I could help her see that this was a very complex decision involving lots of different parts of her life, and that she could have a lot of contradictory feelings about it. For instance, it was clear she was sad about this loss, angry that she got pregnant, and also angry that she had this chronic disease. I gave her the analogy of a ball of different strands of thread that she needed to tease apart.

Finally, she said, "There's one more thread that's at work here-- my daughter--she is 18 but having a very hard time and she needs my attention. She's a good kid at heart, she just got into with some not-so-OK kids."  We talked about that a moment and then I said, "You know how you have believed in her goodness and held that belief for her?" She nodded vigorously. "Well, that's what I want to do for you. You really are doing the best  you can."

There was a new peace within her after we finished. I held her hand during the procedure and although she squeezed my hand tightly, and yes, when it was done, she quietly wept,  she knew that she was good person choosing the best she could for her life.

--Bon

Comments

[monika]

Powerful story. Brought out the tears!