"Sometimes it just comes together"

The other day a fellow counselor was telling me about a counseling session with a couple whose planned pregnancy was ended after receiving the news that their baby had a fatal abnormality.  The couple was very grateful for the support at our clinic, and in particular, the way the counselor was able to help them sort out individually just what kind of help was needed for each to accept the loss, and to allow each to figure out how he/she needed to grieve.  I asked this counselor to write up as guest blogger her experience with the couple.  What follows is her description of the very subtle process of good counseling, of just letting it flow to its natural end. 

Lu

Sometimes, it seems, a counseling session just "comes together". You're talking with someone and there doesn't seem to be a definite direction that the conversation is heading, but, all the while, through the give and take, it comes exactly to the place that it needs to be.  A relationship is established and you feel comfortable risking saying something and then it turns out to be the exact right thing.  I was fortunate enough to participate in a session like that not too long ago. The couple had learned that there was a fetal anomaly with a planned pregnancy and that made the difficult decision to terminate.  They lived far away and were unable to find a provider that they felt comfortable with in their state.  They were appalled when they came face to face with the reality of how limited the resources for abortion can be, even when medically necessary. They had family in the city where I work and so they felt able to come here. They were in their early 40's, and very articulate which definitely made my job easier.  I'll call them Jane and Joe.  After speaking with Jane, she suggested that Joe was having some difficulties and it might be helpful for me to talk to him privately. It was with him that the "magic" happened. As I said, he was articulate.  He spoke about several other abortion experiences he had been involved in and how he'd felt.  Ultimately, he began talking about whether or not he wanted to view the tissue after the abortion was completed. He seemed torn about it- like he felt he "should" but not sure that he wanted to. I said "Kind of like going to someone's funeral that you think you "should" go to." For him, that was the exact right thing for me to say.  For me, it felt like I had almost just stumbled upon it. He decided that viewing the tissue was the right thing for him to do and he did so.  I think that was a very helpful part of the whole experience for him and I was glad to have assisted him. --

Comments

[Soren]

I know I am feeding the troll. but here goes.

It is tissue. That is a fact. The fetus, the sac etc is made up of tissue.

Some people like to think of it as tissue, som also think of it as fetus, and some think of it as a child, so the only term that is absolutely true, and which makes no value judgement is -- tissue.

[Sarah TX]

It must be especially heartbreaking for a couple in their 50s. I think one of the vastly overlooked aspects of this "debate" is how much having clear, easy access to medical procedures really affects peoples lives in a positive way.

[Morgaine]

Gosh, all sorts of crazies in the comments lately.

I just want to let you authors of this blog know how much I appreciate your caring attitude. Thank you!

[whoknew]

"Viewing the tissue"???? You've got to be kidding! For all your talk about helping and caring and in a mis-guided sort of way I believe you do care. Then as a forward looking, freethinking, educated "healthcare provider", you still can't bring yourself to call it what it is.