I could never tell them--they're against this...

We've been getting a fair number of hits from a Catholic site recently which posted that posing the question of "what makes for a good abortion" was a horrifying thing. I'm not upset that someone would respond this way, I know those feelings are out there and see the effects of it in the clinic every day. I'm saddest when I think about how this attitude will affect the women in one's life. When your family, friends and loved ones know that you have such strong feelings about abortion, they'll never feel comfortable telling you about their own abortions, or seeking help with a pregnancy decision. They already know how you're going to respond and fear that it won't be helpful, loving or compassionate.

We cross-posted on Feministing last week and here is one woman's response:

I had my abortion about three and a half years ago. I thought I was pro-life simply because I was raised it and terrified to set foot into a planned parenthood. I went to get a pregnancy test and the nurse brought me back to a room to tell me I was pregnant. When she told me I was the words just spilled out of my mouth "I can't have the baby" She didn't even hesitate or frown on my words and I began the process of figuring out how to pay for it ect. The worst part was that I had to hide it from my mother and father as well as the fathers (my now husband) mother and father. The best part was everything about the planned parenthood! From the nurse holding my hand and talking to me about the college classes I was starting in the fall to the Dr. being so caring and respectful. The very best part was the warmed recliner and cookies in the recovery room! The after care with planned parenthood is also great!
In summary, planned parenthood (at least where I am) is amazing!

So here's our promise to all the anti-abortion folks out there, who think that it's horrifying to try to imagine good care through an abortion decision: We promise to continue to care for the women in your life when they need abortions and we will do it with compassion and dignity. When they can't talk to you, we will make sure that they are safe, respected and loved, through whatever decisions they make.

Nell

ADDENDUM: While thinking about what I just wrote in the shower, I do want to point out that this is not a challenge to prove "who cares about women more." Rather, this is a post about decision-making, about who we go to in times of crisis or when in need of help. If I am a vocal supporter of the peace movement and all I talk about is how awful millitarism is, you're probably not going to want to talk to me about how you're husband is stationed in Iraq and how you really miss him. If I continue spouting off on how welfare is a travesty, you're probably not going to tell me that you're on food stamps. I don't think that anti-abortion protesters love the women in their family less, but I do wish they'd consider how their sentiments affect the women in their lives who have had (or will have) abortions.

Comments

[stike]

oh gag me.
please, do not care for any of the women in my life by killing our unborn relatives.

[SoMG]

Kmerian, I used to volunteer at PP and I heard about a case where a counsellor there was fired because she was subtly influencing clients to choose abortion--smiling when discussing abortion and frowning when discussing keeping the pregnancy.

[kmerian]

Mellankelly,

My story is not a myth. It occured at Planned Parenthood of San Antonio's Bandera Road location, about 2 months ago. Now, what happened may be a violation of PP policies and procedures, but it DID happen.

[Sarah]

Awesome post. Lots of love to you.

[Mellankelly]

I've had very positive experiences with Planned Parenthood and in spite of what those who are vehemently opposed to abortion claim, some Planned Parenthood health centers do offer prenatal care and some do not. But ALL Planned Parenthood health centers can give you a referral for prenatal care. The implication that PP would turn a woman away because she chose to gestate her pregnancy is an anti-abortion myth. Simply visit Planned Parenthood's website, search "pregnancy" and quickly scan the 2,300 results (most helpful was the information regarding pre-pregnancy planning) to see that this is completely untrue.

[Morgaine]

Thank you for your kindness.

I have had two abortions in my life, one when I was 17 and another when I was 25. Both times, I had to hide the fact that I had an abortion from my family and most of my friends. Actually, the only person who knows about the second abortion is my husband (partner at the time). If my family knew about my abortions I am sure they would not be very kind towards me. I do know I made the absolute right decision in both instances, and I don't regret the abortions in any way. I do wish I had the strength to be more outspoken, and I hope when/if my children have to make the decision to not carry a pregnancy to term that they know they can come to me and get the support they need.

I too had amazing support in the people in both clinics, and I can't thank them enough. I do not remember much about the second abortion (afterwards I mean), I was too looped up on drugs, but I do know that before they put me under, both the doctor and the nurse were very kind, joking with me, trying to put me at ease. At my first abortion, I had never even had a pelvic exam, so I was really nervous. Of course, it didn't help that I had seen an anti-choice video at a "Crisis Pregnancy Center" two weeks previously. I was a wreck, and afterwards, the doctor made a point to make sure I was okay, because I was so nervous before and during the procedure. I think the Crisis Pregnancy Center did a really cruel thing to me (and all the women before and after me that were shown that video) and should not be allowed to scare women as badly as they scared me.

[Catholic Mom]

Just curious at what point you will offer the daughters and sons in the wombs of their mothers the same compassion and dignity you are promising their mothers? Or are these most vulnerable human beings, the unborn children, somehow unworthy of such consideration?

[Jenna]

What about all of the women you destroy? Is it kind to kill children? Even in the example the woman referred to the child as her baby "I can't have the baby." Does it become ok to tear babies from their mothers wombs if you give the said women cookies?

[SoMG]

Great blog! I can't believe I just found it. You all need to do more to publicize your blog. I'm telling all my friends about it.

[kmerian]

Of course, perpetuate the myth that those of us who oppose abortion are heartless haters of women, that we will turn our back on our own daughters and sisters. Nothing is further from the truth.

And Planned Parenthood will not love you "no matter what decision you make". A woman very close to me went to a local Planned Parenthood to discuss her "options". They made it very clear to her that if she wanted any help from them, there was only one option that was acceptable. When she told them she had decided to exercise her right to choose, and choose not to have an abortion, she was told to leave.

Is that loving women? No referrals, no counseling, no assistance of any kind. Just turn a scared 18 year old out on the street because she did not make the "right" choice.