what do students want to know?

recently i had occasion to speak by invitation to a few graduate school classes.  since their questions might be your questions, i thought i'd try to synopsize what we talked about.  i first told them how and why i love my work.  there are so few jobs that make a difference in women's lives, that are never boring, and that could provide one with enough work in the aspects of service delivery, the politics, and the law to keep a person as busy as she cares to be.  nothing is more real than dealing with life and death decisions on a daily basis, although rather than making the decisions ourselves what we do is bear witness to the intensity of the struggle of women and men to make a wise and honorable decision.  and it is just that.  most of the women either know instinctively because of their circumstances what their choice is or else they think long and hard about what they can best live with.  you have read many of the stories on this blog if you are a regular reader.  i gave the classes three examples from that very day:  one woman, age 25, already raising two children on her own, barely making it.  just recently, her mom, her aunt, her uncle died, pretty much wiping out her support system.  what she wanted, longed for, was to give life, but felt that she could not do it and raise her two children, so with tears, she put herself in god's hands and prayed for understanding.

the next story was of a younger woman, whom you would never imagine was over a year in recovery from a very serious heavy drug problem.  in order to get clean and stay clean, she had to leave her family and friends behind, because all of them are addicts.  that was the only life she has ever known but she wants a different life for herself.  for her, as for many, abortion is about just that, hopes and dreams for a better life.  this particular young woman still needs to go to daily NA meetings and does not feel strong enough to not use in times of stress.  she's proud of her recovery but not assuming that she can yet stay clean and sober.  what she wants more than anything in the world, is to someday feel confident in her ability to withstand the stresses of pregnancy and parenting, with a strong enough support system that she can have the children she longs for.

and i told them, too, of the woman i had just sent home because she was not sure of her decison.  at first i thought she was at the clinic just to please her boyfriend who let her know that he is not at all interested in parenthood.  i told her that that are plenty of resources should she want to continue the pregnancy and she, in turn,  told me that her mother wants her to have the baby and has promised to help her.  with such a degree of uncertainty, and the possibility that she was considering abortion only to please a boyfriend who might be out of her life soon anyhow, i sent her home along with a decision making workbook. LINK

the grad students were quite interested to hear that only 6% of our patients are under the age of 18, which is, of course a shock to most folks who assume that it is teens  who are most likely to become pregnant.  NOT TRUE.  also, about 55% of our patients already have at least one child at last count.  i suspect the percentage is higher these days.

i got a lot of questions about the mandatory delay laws in our state as well as the process by which a minor who feels she cannot or does not want to tell her parents can go to court to have a judge declare her mature enough to make her own decision.  in fact the kinds of reasons that a minor might choose not to involve her parents often is either because the parent would not grant permission or they don't have such a great relationship, or the parent is overwhelmed with their own problems, has a drug or alcohol problem or is caring for an ailing parent or partner themselves. my years of experience have taught me that the great majority of teens do involve a parent and the few who do not have very good reasons for not doing so.

whether or not the women were using birth control was also a question and of course, most were using some method of birth control, thinking that the pill or condoms could protect them, which it does in most cases, but not nearly as well as the better forms of birth control such as the Mirena IUD or Implanon, the two most effective (and long lasting) methods on the market today.

i very much appreciated the questions about what my life as a provider is like, asking how am i treated in social situations, and if i tell people what i do.  and of course i tell anyone who cares to hear about my work what i do as readers of this blog can tell.  this is my life's work.  i am proud of it.  my family, which is probably more religious than many, has come to accept my work, but only after many years of my being a provider.  at first i think they were concerned for my safety, but as i let them know that that was not my focus, they have come to see that my mission is much greater than just the provision of the service, that it is more about telling the women's stories, of their decision making, and of their wanting to stay in connection with their god, their religion.  my own children did suffer, but it was at the hands of anti-abortion threats against them when they were young.  i guess i never believed that anyone would kill them, but rather wanted to scare me.  and scare me they did.  more like terrorize.  my husband has always been supportive of my work; if he were not, i never would have made it.  he always believed in what i have chosen as my life's work, just as i respect his work.

i usually end my talks to grad and professional school students with a wish for them, a wish that they choose work for which they have passion, work that makes a difference, work that makes them want to get up in the morning.  i have been fortunate enough to feel that way and it allows me to put in more hours than most people want to work.  i encourage them to choose whatever will bring them the same joy.

lou

.