spiritual resolution

even though we do not advertise it, we are very open to patients' wishes to begin the pathway to spiritual resolution.  we follow the patient's lead and requests.  that means that if a woman or her partner asks to spend time alone with her pregnancy tissue after the abortion, we are very agreeable to the request, provide a private room and either stay with the them if they'd like the counselor to do so, or leave them alone if they prefer.  the other day a patient asked me if she could do just that, have time alone after the abortion with the pregnancy.  i entered the little room with her, made sure that she had what she needed including kleenex for tears and disposable gloves (although since it is her own tissue she does not have to use them) and then left her alone as she requested.  i had already provided her with some spiritual healing information that could help her to get started if she wanted, or she could say her own prayers or blessings.  i instructed her, as i always do, that i would wait outside the door and that she should open the door when she was finished and i would take her back to the recovery area.  after about 10 minutes, she exited the private room.  when she saw me, she threw her arms around me, hugged me and thanked me profusely.  i know that her road to internal peace had begun.  she did not want to have an abortion but knew that she and her husband could not take care of another child.  she felt that she and god had moved to their own resolution, so the private prayer and goodbye was just for her, for her own heart.

immediately after her i was talking to another woman who described herself as a devout catholic, one who attends a catholic college where she goes to the chapel almost daily since she started there because, she said, she can only manage her heavy class load, young child, and job by daily prayer to god to give her the strength and courage to continue on each day.  when she found herself pregnant, she first said that she decided to continue the pregnancy and raise the child, but soon realized that it was impossible, that she would have to quit school and then the loan payments would start, probably stopping her from ever completing her education.  with heavy heart, she came in for her appointment.  she too felt that her close relationship with god helped her to feel that, after confession, she would be able to go on with her life, that god would want her to complete her schooling so that she could raise the child that she struggles so much now to care for.  her family is not able to help her much, either financially or with child care so the burden is pretty much hers.  what she wanted was not closure between her and god which she felt she was on her way to finding, but rather that her pregnancy be sent to god.  i told her that she could view her tissue and say whatever prayers over it that she chose, but she said no that was not what she needed.   she then asked me if i would baptize the baby and i agreed to.  another staff person and i went to a private room, turned down the lights, then said the prayers together.  later i reported to the patient exactly what we had done.  she, too, was so grateful.  she took my hand and told me that it meant so much to her.  it was a good day, bringing peace to the women and to their pregnancies.

even though i have been doing this work for a very long time, these situations never fail to move me.  i feel honored that these women (and men) have chosen to share their deepest, most private feelings with me.  and even though i have done both of these things before,  i always retain the awareness of the potential life that these women have had to give up.  they know that we will treat the pregnancy as sacred and respect it.  because of that, i have experienced many treasured moments in my work.  and many many women who are our patients have been able to put to words exactly what they perhaps have not been able to say elsewhere.  it's part of why i treasure my job.

bon

Comments

[Julie]

Dana - do you know this for sure, or are you just guessing? Early term feti are so small I just find it hard to believe they are dismembered like the anonymous victims of "Saw" and other "splatter movies." I leave for another time your accusation "babies are murdered".
Oh, Bon, we need you to step in again and discuss the current medical procedures of an abortion. I just want to be absolutely sure.

[liese]

thank you for being rational without forgetting the emotional and spiritual needs of women.

i am not a slave to my biology. that's the beauty of being human, but sadly, it comes at a price.

[Christina]

Thanking god that neither my children nor I are in any class that Dana and her ilke are teaching regarding the "good thing/bad thing" education...

Pro-lifers and religious zealots seem to think they have a monopoly on morality...I suppose we should just look at recent headlines to see exactly how well they've corned that market...

[Dana]

Julie,

Inflammatory rhetoric? It's the truth. Read a medical textbook.

They are not dismembered anymore? Yes they are- Babies rarely come out whole unless they are saline abortions (which don't happen much anymore), prostaglandin or lethal injection abortions. In the case of a very early RU-486, they also are birthed whole but in 90% of cases, they are torn into pieces by a suction machine, curette or forceps.

This bothers you or your wouldn't refute it. But supposing I'm wrong and they aren't dismembered: These babies are murdered just the same. Are you only pro-killing babies if they are not dismembered? What does it matter the method?

[Julie]

Well Dana, your comment is a "WTF?" moment. First of all, you are behind the times on abortion technology, fetuses aren't dismembered anymore. Secondly, labeling me "irrational" is a logical fallacy, so it's no wonder you are afraid to debate.

[lauren]

Sorry for the double post, I thought I incorrectly entered the word verification.

[lauren]

Just one thing. What's left after an abortion isn't a "pregnancy". Call it like it is instead of hiding things in false euthenisms.

[lauren]

Just one thing. What's left after an abortion isn't a "pregnancy". Call it like it is instead of hiding things in false euthenisms.

[Dana]

Julie,

I don't desire to debate with you. Someone that doesn't recognize that dismembering a child is utero is a bad thing is obviously irrational.

You should be in my class where I talk about good thing/bad thing.

[Nobodyinparticular]

Something for Pro-choicers and Pro-lifers to concider.....

World estimations of the number of terminations carried out each year is somewhere between 20 and 88 million.

3,500 per day / 1.3 million per year in America alone.

50% of that 1.3 million claimed failed birth control was to blame.

A further 48% had failed to use any birth control at all.

And 2% had medical reasons.

That means a stagering 98% may have been avoided had an effective birth control been used.

I am a 98% pro-lifer, 2% Pro-choicer, who has no religious convictions at all . I didn't need the fear of god or anything else to come to my decision, just a good sense of what is right and wrong.
You see we were all once a fetus. Is it beyond the realm of possibilities that when your mother first learned she was carrying you, she may have considered her options? What if she had decided to terminate? Would that have been OK?
You would not exist, if you have children they would not exist, and your (husband or wife) would be married to someone else. You would have been deprived of all your experiences and memories. In this day and age with terminations being so readily available and so many being carried out, if you make it to full term
you can consider yourself lucky. Lucky you had a mother that made the choice of life for you. Don't you think they all deserve the same basic human right, LIFE?
I'm all for contraception, prevention is certainly better than termination.
Did you know you can get an implant that is safe, 99.9% effective, and lasts for three years? Just think girls not even a show for three years, wouldn't that be great? I think too many people rely too heavily on the last option (abortion), I think if abortions weren't so readily available people would manage their reproductive system far better resulting in a fraction of the number of unwanted pregnancies.
World wide there are over 50 MILLION aborted pregnancies each year. In America 3,500 terminations carried out every day, that's over 1.3 million every year, 50% of all cases claimed that birth control had been used, 48% admitted they took no precaution, and 2% had a medical reason. That's a staggering 98% that may have been prevented had an effective birth control been used. Don't get me wrong, I suspect the percentages in Australia would be much the same.
Just a lot of unnecessary killing.

At the point of conception is when life began for you. This was the start of your existence. Your own personal big bang. Three weeks after conception heart started to beat. First brain waves recorded at six weeks after conception. Seen sucking thumb at seven weeks after conception.

I am convinced that in the not too distant future, people will look back at many of the practices of today with disbelief and horror.

Want to know how to find humanity-?

True humanity can only be achieved, by concidering others/ caring about others, as much as, if not more than yourself.

[Julie]

Dana, Dana, Dana:
Bon and Lou do not kill "babies", nor do they "sacrifice babies". If you really want to debate with me, please make an effort to leave the inflammatory rhetoric at home, k? Thanks.

[American Mother]

As a mother and a human being I'd like to say my heart breaks for that child needlessly murdered by his or her own mother that day.

[Steve]

Bint-y! I remember you from the animal rights debate group on Yahoo... Funny bumping into you! My how I've missed your contradictory, self-righteous BS.

Donna - you're spot on!

[R's Musings]

Thank you, saltyC, for your comment. I was an extremely religious, born-again Christian, when I had my abortion. It's been a struggle to free myself from such religiosity, but that event was the catalyst for me to really look at myself, to question who am I? and what do I believe? Not what someone else, a priest, a preacher, my parents, anyone else has taught me. I asked God to help me find the truth. This is what I found: "Do not believe in anything simply because you have heard it. Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumored by many. Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books. Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders. Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations. But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it. This is fearlessness, and it is love." -Siddhartha Gautama (Buddha) This is what I try to live by, now. --Robin

[Dana]

The Bible talks about how Christians have no guilt- How there is no condemnation for those who have been saved by Jesus Christ.

I would be riddled with guilt if I were unredeemed, because I *am* guilty. But I have been saved from that. So if I were to deny Christianity, that's a guarenteed life being riddled with guilt.

I hope you and your daughter enjoy a life of freedom, freedom that is only available through Christ.

[saltyC]

R's Musings, thank you for your truthful post. This is the very reason why I'll never raise my daughter in any Christian tradition: I want her sane and strong, not riddled with guilt.

[Dana]

Julie,

These women kill babies. Daily. These are not some beleivers with a lapse in judgement, like a Christian who has an abortion. These are women who profit from and propegate child sacrifice, the number one abomination in the Bible.

If they know Jesus, they need more of Him. For you to claim that killing babies would be an acceptable thing in Jesus' eyes does not indicate that you know Him, or at least know Him very well.

[R's Musings]

I find it interesting how arrogant very religious people can be, thinking they own the monopoly on God, and Jesus, if they're Christian. And how they use their beliefs to judge others, who believe differently. Where's the support? Where's the understanding? Where is Christian virtue? If you don't do things 'their way' you don't get anything, except judgment, judgment and more judgment. No one has the right to tell me what to do with my body. Period. And the thought that life begins at conception is a BELIEF. It is not proven fact. This is something every woman has to decide for herself, NOT because some MAN lays down a law, to keep ownership, to keep control over her. I had an abortion over 20 years ago, and it was my Christian family and 'so called' friends that judged me the harshest! They didn't turn the other cheek. They didn't try to understand what was one of the most agonizing times in my life. They were only concerned with sin and punishment! If you really read the Bible, you'll see that Jesus frowned upon very religious people. He was a rebel, NOT the conventional wisdom of the day. He said those without sin, cast the first stone. Christians cast stones in the name of Jesus! How hypocritical can you get! We're all human and have to find our own way through this life. I try to always be sensitive to others and their issues, and not assume that I know what's best for them. I don't see the complete picture, don't know all the facts. I'm not God, so how can I judge what another should or shouldn't do? The judgments of those closest to me were like daggers through my heart, at a time when I needed more love than ever before. Jesus would've NEVER treated me that way! This much I know!

I also want to say that I've not read all of your posts, but I like the support of this website. I wish I'd had something such as this to help me when I needed it. Cheers to you! --Robin

[aus blog]

Isn't the internet wonderful.

[aus blog]

Hi Angela

[aus blog]

Don't forget to check out - reality show - and read some of the comments.
Well I never...

[Angela]

The woman you described as a devout Catholic is not devout. The church clearly teaches all taking of human life is wrong, as is sex outside of marriage. She is kidding herself and you.

As for baptizing the baby - that child is not baptized. One cannot baptize the dead. So that exercise was all for naught.

[hailey]

This was incredibly disturbing to read. I stumbled on it and I wish I hadn't read it. What a horror.

[Julie]

Dana -
Your comment made me laugh. How can you be so sure Bon and Lou already don't know Jesus? The pro life/anti choice movements don't own Jesus. Nor do they own morality, values, or spirituality. Deal.

[Dana]

Bon and Lou-

You guys need Jesus.