Last week it was mothers that were running themes and this week it's boyfriends. Two women, two different outcomes in the same hour. Both were returning for check-ups two weeks after their abortions.
The first woman was tearful, distraught, had not slept well or eaten in several days. The decision for her was difficult but she decided that since her b/f did not want a child and probably would not stick around for a pregnancy that she should have the abortion. Today she retold the story that "she had it for him..." and you guessed it, he booked. It makes you want to put up a marquee: PLEASE DON'T HAVE AN ABORTION FOR ANYONE BUT YOURSELF. But, by the time the relational crisis happens, it really feels like you lost the pregnancy and the guy and what for?
The pregnancy decision is so profound that it frequently shifts everything for the woman but not necessarily for the man. His view was that the break up was about to happen anyway, but was delayed by the pregnancy and subsequent abortion. So how do you break up with a pregnant woman?
My hope for this woman is that she will use this awful moment in her life to start building her trust in herself rather than relying on another person for her stability. From this very low point she has to find ways to choose herself, first in little ways, like eating something, eventually in larger ways, like knowing what to do with your life and not letting someone else tell you what to do. She might have come to the same conclusion of having an abortion, but oh, the road is so different.
The second woman, minutes later, had told of her partner giving her a hard time two weeks prior. I asked her how it went with him. Basically, he came around days later and she put him on the street to cool his heels for a night or two. She trumped his whining with her own story of going through everything by herself. Don't you know that a few days later he called again, and apologized? I said to her, "Can I borrow a cup of your confidence and give it to this woman next door?" An energy transfer, a la Star Trek, "my heart to your heart, my will to your will."