just to fill you in. the 13 year old patient "n", who i said had stolen my heart really did. while i was away, i continued thinking of her, wondering what she would choose. when i returned from vacation i got a call from her asking to see me again. that was two days ago. she told me she had decided to continue her pregnancy and i told her that i was sorry to hear that because no one from her family would be able to help her and they had already said that she would have to go to the shelter. but she told me that was ok --she "didn't mind." i wished her well and told her that if she changed her mind to let me know.
i had some sense of her inner turmoil but did not know what to do. i could tell that she was torn. and she was unable to figure out why she wanted to continue the pregnancy when she knew she could not take care of it, that it would most likely be taken from her by the courts. although she's really smart, she is too young to have any insight into her motives. but, whatever she chose, it had to come from her because otherwise she could just immediately get pregnant again. she had to be the one to decide. well, she did call and schedule for this weekend, but when i got in to the clinic today there was a message to call her. i did only to hear that she was not coming in after all. what could i do but say ok. her aunt was crying in the background saying that the girl was ruining her life. then her mother called and said "we're coming". in the meantime of course i was seeing other patients, moving from one thing to the next, but wondering what had changed.
when they arrived, "n" said that she would have the abortion, that she was very sad, but that she knew it was for the best. her mother was both supportive of and exasperated with "n", afraid that she would again change her mind. i kept them both calm, saying that we had to just let it go where it went, that we could not control it. ultimately, "n" did have the abortion. both her mom and i were in the room with her, holding her hands and soothing her. all went well, including recovery.
i hope i see "n" again. i will be thinking of her for a long long time. i hope her mom is able to stay clean. today was the one year anniversary of getting off drugs, the longest she has ever been clean in her life. and next month mom and "n" will live together again for the first time in a number of years. it's gonna be rough for both of them, but there is a lot of hope and love there. we have to believe.......