abortionclinicdays

april 25 march for women's lives

I JUST GOT THIS ON MY EMAIL ABOUT THE MARCH FOR WOMEN'S LIVES COMING UP IN LESS THAN A MONTH. THE WEBSITE IT LINKS TO IS SO HELPFUL! ANY OF YOU GOING TO THE MARCH ON BUSSES OR IN CARS MIGHT WANT TO DOWNLOAD AND PRINT UP THE CONVERSATION TOPICS FOR THE RIDE TO DC OR WHEREVER YOU'RE HEADED.
LU

Immediate Release
March 26, 2004

En Route: Real Talk about Abortion
Conversations on the Way to the March

Travel Packet Available at www.abortionconversation.com

In its first offering to the pro choice community, the Abortion Conversation Project is presenting En Route: Real Talk about Abortion to travelers on their way to the March for Women’s Lives on April 25, 2004. The travel packet is in three parts: a conversation guide for Marchers, organizers notes with suggestions for facilitating en route activities, and “adopt-a-bus” suggestions for clinics and other organizations.

It is available immediately from the group’s website, www.abortionconversation.com (click on Activities, then under the March logo) or in print in bulk quantities by emailing or calling Outreach Coordinator Grayson Crosby at (503) 317-6866 or graysoncrosby@comcast.net

“We believe it’s time to break the silence about abortion,” states Peg
Johnston, the President of the Abortion Conversation Project (ACP), comprised
of abortion providers and allies. “It’s time to take the stigma from an
experience over 1/3 of all women will have.” ACP encourages conversations about
abortion on many levels and offers many suggestions for effective conversations
on its website www.abortionconversation.com.

“The response to the EnRoute travel packet has been phenomenal,”
according to Grayson Crosby, Outreach Coordinator. “We really feel that pro
choice activists are eager to talk about what abortion means in our lives.” So far,
more than 8,000 packets have been reserved. The packets, along with conversation guides, buttons, stickers, and other resources will be sent to local organizers in
time for the March.

Grayson Crosby was named one of the “Top 30 Under 30 Activists for Choice” by Choice USA earlier this year. She has worked in clinics as an abortion counselor as well as an organizer for groups such as the Abortion Access Project and NARAL Pro-Choice Washington. Peg Johnston has been an abortion provider for 23 years in upstate NY, is the creator of several resources for women (www.pregnancyoptions.info), and frequently writes on the topic of abortion.

For more information on the travel packet or ACP, write Info@abortionconversation.com or ACP 908 King St. #400W Alexandria VA 22314.
REPORTERS: To embed on March transport and find a local contact contact Grayson Crosby at (503) 317-6866 or graysoncrosby@comcast.net.

and some women are really ok

hi bon, i really understood what you were saying when you spoke of the women who "can't hear their own voice". it's oh so common with young women and i have a theory of my own: the louder the parent's voice, the more stifled the daughter's voice is. and then, the pregnancy is, as you said, the only "power" the daughter has. sometimes in counseling, creating "the space" for her to truly be heard is all she needs to be able to know (and say) that she realizes that she is not ready for parenting, that she does not want to be thrown out of the house. it just makes me wonder how many young women end up with babies just to "make a statement" to a parent, just to prove that they exist. if only parents "got it"!

but the story i want to tell you today is just the opposite. this woman is in her late thirties, has two kids, one of them rather severely austistic. he is ten, and as she said, on a good day, he can be like a 5 year old. her other son is 15 and an outstanding student. she had extremely difficult pregnancies with both of them, had toxemia and pre-eclampsia. the younger one was born at 27 weeks so he has lots of the physical problems as well that come along with low birth weight.

she never planned to get pregnant again and, in fact, that was the advice of all three of the doctors who saved her life when her last son was born. however, despite being a very very good contraceptor, it happened. she really wanted another baby all along and she had felt "cheated" when the doctors told her 10 years ago to not even think of getting pregnant again. so, she said that at first she was trying to figure out a way to make this all happen: maybe somehow she could get family and friends to move in with her and her partner to care for the autistic child since she would be either in bed or in the hospital for the duration of the pregnacy. her partner was willing to chance it. but then, she said, she came to her senses. she continued that if it was only about her, she would have gone for it, such is her love for kids, the whole mothering experience. she said "lots of people ask me how i do it, with my one son requiring so much time and attention, but for me, it's what i want to be doing". and that was when, she said, she realized that she could not risk her death, not for herself, but for the boys. she had to be there for them.

and with that realization, she instantly knew what she had to do, called and made an appointment for the abortion. she said "i'm a christian woman, in fact i'm pretty religious, i guess. but I HAVE NO DOUBT THAT THIS IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO". the certainty with which she spoke was so clear. i often hear women saying "i know that i am doing the right thing at this time" and in fact they often write those exact words on their charts in the space where they can respond to the question "what are your thoughts today about this abortion"? but with her it was somehow stronger. perhaps it was because i sat and listened to her tell this whole story, and even though she was sure before she came in to the clinic, being able to say it all, without interruption gave her voice an even stronger resonance.

but then, isn't that what we all want--to be really really heard.......

lou

Can you hear your own voice?

I talked to three women, back to back, all of whom found it extremely difficult to hear their own voice.

A mom brought her 16 y.o. in, a sullen young woman who passionately knew one thing: no one was listening to HER. Neither of her parents, who were both totally freaked out, were able to listen to her thoughts on her pregnancy. But, the classic struggle was with the father, who had a habit of making pronoucements and not listening to what anyone else said.

This young woman correctly deduced that this time she was holding the cards. She had no idea what she really wanted in life, school, a child, a boyfriend?? But she did want to be heard, and she wanted someone to take seriously what she thought about abortion ("it was killing"). My take was that she was so locked into a battle with her parents and her need to be taken seriously that she could not get to the next step.

Then the mom. She was practically apoplectic, and the first words out of her mouth were: "I have given up my whole life for these kids, I can't wait until it's my turn." She was clear that her daughter should not have a child, and even more clear that she should not raise her grandchild. But after that, she could not hear her daughter or her own voice. She said, "My daughter was a model child at age 10, and it has been downhill ever since." Classic Carol Gilligan who observed that girls started to doubt "what they know" at about that age, largely because of the lack of support and modelling of their mothers and other female role models. This mom knew her daughter was immature and incapable of decisions but had no idea of how either of them got to this point. (Don't forget the dad pontificating...)

The third woman--a 21 y.o.-- is someone who came in two weeks before to talk, basically could not make up her mind at all, and in fact, had a difficult time making up her mind about anything. This second time talking (she missed an appointment to talk last week) she was still quite ambivalent, but could not form any convincing arguments to have a child, but did finally say that she had moral qualms about abortion. She was afraid of making the wrong choice and regretting it. Her mother, who was quite a forceful woman, thought she should have an abortion, but would support her either way. Her ex boyfriend, whom she didn't like that much, thought it would be cool to have a kid. She, herself, remained undecided. I finally suggested that she do a guided imagery with a supportive friend to see if there was any inner wisdom that she might be able to hear.

What causes some women to be able to sort out what they think and feel and know? Hearing one's voice, they say, is a matter of resonance. If nobody's listening and bouncing it back to you, you can't develop a very good sense of your own voice. I see a lot of women--young and otherwise-- who don't have the ability to hear their own voice, and know what they know. In that context, choice is practically unbearable, which may be part of the larger political problem....

--Bon

Not Alone

Hey, it's really nice to get some comments. We are neophyte bloggers, and I would guess some of our readers are too, so if anyone has a suggestion as to how to get connected we are all ears!! You can also reach this site with the url. www.abortionclinicdays.com. I would be happy to blogroll back to similar site if i knew what that was and how you do it. I will research and connect with others.
Thanks,
bon

stolen heart 3

just to fill you in. the 13 year old patient "n", who i said had stolen my heart really did. while i was away, i continued thinking of her, wondering what she would choose. when i returned from vacation i got a call from her asking to see me again. that was two days ago. she told me she had decided to continue her pregnancy and i told her that i was sorry to hear that because no one from her family would be able to help her and they had already said that she would have to go to the shelter. but she told me that was ok --she "didn't mind." i wished her well and told her that if she changed her mind to let me know.

i had some sense of her inner turmoil but did not know what to do. i could tell that she was torn. and she was unable to figure out why she wanted to continue the pregnancy when she knew she could not take care of it, that it would most likely be taken from her by the courts. although she's really smart, she is too young to have any insight into her motives. but, whatever she chose, it had to come from her because otherwise she could just immediately get pregnant again. she had to be the one to decide. well, she did call and schedule for this weekend, but when i got in to the clinic today there was a message to call her. i did only to hear that she was not coming in after all. what could i do but say ok. her aunt was crying in the background saying that the girl was ruining her life. then her mother called and said "we're coming". in the meantime of course i was seeing other patients, moving from one thing to the next, but wondering what had changed.

when they arrived, "n" said that she would have the abortion, that she was very sad, but that she knew it was for the best. her mother was both supportive of and exasperated with "n", afraid that she would again change her mind. i kept them both calm, saying that we had to just let it go where it went, that we could not control it. ultimately, "n" did have the abortion. both her mom and i were in the room with her, holding her hands and soothing her. all went well, including recovery.

i hope i see "n" again. i will be thinking of her for a long long time. i hope her mom is able to stay clean. today was the one year anniversary of getting off drugs, the longest she has ever been clean in her life. and next month mom and "n" will live together again for the first time in a number of years. it's gonna be rough for both of them, but there is a lot of hope and love there. we have to believe.......